I stopped counseling. Not on purpose, but still, it happened. I haven't bothered to fix it. I just keep putting it off. I missed last month's Survivors of Suicide Support group. I can tell a difference when I don't attend, yet I still ask "are you going this month?" I don't want to go. No one WANTS to go to that kind of support group. I'm struggling to maintain friendships. I simply can't do it. I try to MAKE myself, but not only can I NOT do it, but it's not fair to the people I'm trying to maintain those friendships with. I cry almost every night in the shower, but I make sure my husband doesn't hear it. He thinks I should be better by now. TV shows trigger me. I didn't realize how much suicide is portrayed on tv. It's everywhere. It's glamorized. It's gut wrenching. There's truly no words to describe it. About once a month I think "I would rather die than live with this pain for the rest of my life." It...
Sometimes it's crazy. Sometimes it's calm.