It's been 14 years. And still I think about it. Every Mother's Day.
I was was newly married and found out I was pregnant. I was about 5 weeks along. And ecstatic! No one can tell me life does not begin at conception. Motherhood starts the very second you know your pregnant. Maternal instinct takes over. And it' never stops. Ever. No matter what.
It was Christmas Eve. And I was headed to my grandmother's house. Cramps started. Horrible cramps. Within two hours I was bleeding. That moment... that one second I saw what was happening, something inside me changed. I was losing my child. As the protector of this child, I could do nothing to stop it. It was the most helpless feeling in the world.
I had to finish the Christmas activities for that night and the next day. No one knew. It was an Oscar worthy performance. I lost my child on Christmas Day. Recovery was almost impossible. I relied heavily on my faith.
Months later, in May, I was attending church on Mother's Day. Had I known the affect it would have on me emotionally, I would have stayed home. I cried through the service. I was a Mama. But there was no child to hold. No one to honor me as a mother. No one acknowledged that I was a mom without a child. I was heartbroken. One friend called me later that day and said the sweetest words to me.
"Motherhood begins at conception. Not birth. So I want to tell you Happy Mother's Day." It was exactly what I needed and to this day believe the Lord prompted her to call me.
The next year was the same. Tears. Heartbreak. I was still mourning. And the next year, too. It wasn't until my daughter, Keirsey, was born that I seemed to heal from the miscarriage. I faced three Mother's Days without a child.
Eleven years later, I handle Mother's Day much better. But I still remember how I felt when I was childless. I had every maternal instinct and feelings that a mother WITH a child has, yet I had no one to lavish them on.
So many women have faced this. Miscarriage. Losing a child before you meet them. Before you know if it's a son or daughter. Before you can even feel them move.
This Mother's Day, know that you are not forgotten. Your heavenly Father knows what you are facing, what you are feeling. He knows your child by name. He sees their face and holds them close, until the day you are reunited. I have every certainty and future hope for this.
You are not forgotten. My prayers are with you today. For healing. For hope.
Let the words of this song comfort you.
The Hurt and Healer
by MercyMe
http---www.youtube.com-embed-mxqfDs-64I0
I was was newly married and found out I was pregnant. I was about 5 weeks along. And ecstatic! No one can tell me life does not begin at conception. Motherhood starts the very second you know your pregnant. Maternal instinct takes over. And it' never stops. Ever. No matter what.
It was Christmas Eve. And I was headed to my grandmother's house. Cramps started. Horrible cramps. Within two hours I was bleeding. That moment... that one second I saw what was happening, something inside me changed. I was losing my child. As the protector of this child, I could do nothing to stop it. It was the most helpless feeling in the world.
I had to finish the Christmas activities for that night and the next day. No one knew. It was an Oscar worthy performance. I lost my child on Christmas Day. Recovery was almost impossible. I relied heavily on my faith.
Months later, in May, I was attending church on Mother's Day. Had I known the affect it would have on me emotionally, I would have stayed home. I cried through the service. I was a Mama. But there was no child to hold. No one to honor me as a mother. No one acknowledged that I was a mom without a child. I was heartbroken. One friend called me later that day and said the sweetest words to me.
"Motherhood begins at conception. Not birth. So I want to tell you Happy Mother's Day." It was exactly what I needed and to this day believe the Lord prompted her to call me.
The next year was the same. Tears. Heartbreak. I was still mourning. And the next year, too. It wasn't until my daughter, Keirsey, was born that I seemed to heal from the miscarriage. I faced three Mother's Days without a child.
Eleven years later, I handle Mother's Day much better. But I still remember how I felt when I was childless. I had every maternal instinct and feelings that a mother WITH a child has, yet I had no one to lavish them on.
So many women have faced this. Miscarriage. Losing a child before you meet them. Before you know if it's a son or daughter. Before you can even feel them move.
This Mother's Day, know that you are not forgotten. Your heavenly Father knows what you are facing, what you are feeling. He knows your child by name. He sees their face and holds them close, until the day you are reunited. I have every certainty and future hope for this.
You are not forgotten. My prayers are with you today. For healing. For hope.
Let the words of this song comfort you.
The Hurt and Healer
by MercyMe
http---www.youtube.com-embed-mxqfDs-64I0
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