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this feels right

So much has changed for me in the 15 months: I hate being around people, I no longer enjoy shopping, going places with friends, or even going out to eat like I once did. It does seem to all revolve around social things, but I don't think it's a bad thing to want to simply be home.
I mean, I spend way less money for sure and it's worked in my favor more than once. I had absolutely NO intentions of staying friends with a group of people from my former job. They ended up being upset with me and stopped talking to me. 
Nice. Problem solved. I didn't have to ghost them, the friendships simply dissolved. 

I tried to join a play two nights ago. The whole thing felt off, weird, not right. I don't know exactly why, but I hated every second I was at rehearsals. After tonight, I realized the "why" doesn't matter, I just needed to quit. So I did. 
And it felt amazing. 

Therapy is a big reason I can do these things now. Things like not give two shits when people get mad or uncomfortable. I'm even practicing NOT moving when a man is walking towards me and automatically assumes I should be the one to step aside. Nah, bro. I don't know have to give you the right of way bc you're male. I have a right to be here. 
And I didn't back down from my new beliefs when politics and religion were brought up at lunch with my dad and stepmom. I clearly stated what I believe and the conversation remained calm and welcoming. These things, learning to stand up for myself, it feels good. I've never known autonomy. I wasn't taught autonomy. I can decide for myself. I don't (or maybe WON'T) seek others opinions, someone else's beliefs, morals, or governance to make decisions for me. I no longer choose to do what makes others comfortable. I choose what's right for me. And that choice is mostly me not engaging with anything or anyone that doesn't feel right. 
Any religion or god that requires I give that up isn't right for me. 
I like that. That feels right. That feels real. 

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