April Showers

Last night, my little place was full. The Bitch Barn was packed with my kids and their significant others. Me, Keirsey, Ami, Shauna and Josh.  It was good conversation. It was healthy and relaxing. We had great conversation and just enjoyed each other company. It was a great evening.  I took several moments to think about what this night really represented. My family: my daughter and her same sex fiancé, my oldest and her boyfriend- both healthy relationships. And all of us sitting together, just being a family. I've been through tough times with both my daughters. It's been an incredibly difficult journey, getting to this place. We went months without speaking. My daughters spent months unable to be around each other. We've grown, we've learned, we've compromised, we've worked to overcome our own individual trauma to have solid, healthy, reassuring, family relationships- the very things every human longs for. There is no drama, no "we don't talk about ...

When Enzo died, Keirsey was not speaking to me. I don't remember why. I'm sure at the time, it was huge. Insurmountable. A "we won't recover from this" situation.  That year on Christmas, she came to the house, texted Enzo to come outside so she could say hi, then left without a word. It fucking wrecked me. I cried for two days. That Christmas, we originally planned a trip, but had to cancel last minute because Brad and I got pretty sick. Like, can barely move to the bathroom kind of sick. We were better by Christmas but in no shape to go on a week long trip, which made the whole holiday feel disappointing and bare anyway.  Nothing changed much after that Christmas, Keirsey and were barely speaking in February. Yet that night, when I had to call her, when I told her Enzo was dead, there were no hurt feelings between us. There was no "should she come over?" Instantly, she was driving to us. It's never been the same between us. That phone call changed ...