There are days when I simply dwell on the moment two officers stepped inside my home and said "I'm afraid we have bad news." I just sit and think of that exact time over and over. Hours passed in those 5 or 6 seconds. I lost every family member in my life and tried to decide how to respond in those moments. I moved thru each one with decisiveness and thought of the next steps after they said a name. And yet I waited. I waited what felt like an entire lifetime. My soul screamed violently. "JUST FUCKING SAY IT" but even that took a lifetime. "Do you know Josiah Brooks?" Oh God. "That's our son" my husband replied instantly. He understood how long those moments were. I was dialed in on the officer's black shiny shoes. I could not take my eyes off of them. I felt myself leave my body. "You can't be here for this" I felt it more than heard it. Don't say it. I don't want to hear this. "We're sorry to ...
Sometimes it's crazy. Sometimes it's calm.